Early morning self-musings…

 

Today woke up really furious on myself.

I had just slept at 3 am, only to be woken up at 6 am with a loud alarm. Lack of sleep really makes me grumpy and jittery. But I have not been doing anything to remedy my lack of sleep. Today, in the early morning quiet, all my mind tells me is “you did wrong, you should not have wasted your time watching junk TV”. Unfortunately, the right time to tell this to myself is not today at 6 am but  yesterday at 10 pm when I was tempted to start watching TV instead of retiring to bed.

And I have been doing these blunders very often last few days, spoiling my health too in the bargain.

So, it’s very natural for me to get all worked up and angry on myself.

But is this the right way to deal with it now that the time has already slipped out of my hands?

While doing some self-reflection, I realize I am again making the wrong choices. Where is my self-compassion? Where is the love and forgiveness that I would have for my spouse when he would do the same thing? I would definitely get irritated with him but never this kind of extreme loathing towards him that I have for myself currently.

This is self-sabotage and I really need to help myself with finding out ways to deal with it.

I will do my best to look for solutions but in the meanwhile I wanted to remind both you and me “Sometimes the hardest things we need to do, are also inevitably the right choices you make for yourself”